I've almost forgotten about my tattoo. Life has become astronomically different since my last entry. I don't even feel like I'm the same person. Here's how this is going to work. I will type up a long list of things that have been going on in my life. This list will be long. You may not want to sit and read the whole thing. I'll give you an outline of what I'm writing about so you know where to look for details you really want. 1. my woman 2. school 3. everything else that you should just stop being dumb about and read. You're on Xanga right now. What else do you have to do? Just freaking read it. I have a woman. Notice I did not say "girlfriend". By normal standards, she is that, but she exceeds those standards. She is my "womanfriend". Her name is Lisa. She is magnificent. She loves Jesus in a refreshing way. God is not some way-too-holy-for-me, untouchable, unreachable god that many of us fall into worshiping. He is our father. He loves us personally. Lisa does not forget this. She smiles with Him, laughs with Him, gets angry, and cries with Him. He is her Daddy. She loves me in a forgiving way. I'm an idiot 90% of the time, and she is very patient with me. She's much smarter than I am, so that makes this job a bit harder. In spite of the times that we have argued about dumb things because of how much of an idiot I am, she still chooses to love me and pray for me and kiss me. I could go on and on and on about Lisa, but I have way more stuff to catch you up on. Let us continue. I love you, Lisa. Since I last wrote on here, I have left school. I didn't drop out. I didn't get kicked out. I didn't graduate. I'm just not made of money. Financial aid stuff didn't work out...it's complicated. So, I'm not in school. What am I doing? Well, I was a substitute teacher for Belton High School in the Life Skills department for about four months. That was one of the most fun jobs I have ever had in my life. However, I could not support myself on the pay. $450 once a month wasn't going to cut it when my bills at my new apartment were $600 a month. Thank you, Mom and Dad for hooking me up along the way. Also my thanks (and apologies) go out to VISA. They were everywhere I wanted to be, and now they won't leave. June first began my new job as the director of youth ministries at First United Methodist Church of Killeen. It was great. I was constantly busy, and life was extremely stressful. I loved my kids. They were fantastic, and they loved me and accepted me very quickly. The parents of the youth and the other people of the congregation were very supportive and encouraging to me. The children's director, financial lady, administrative assistant, records keeper, media specialist, IT guys, worship coordinator, and missions team were all great people to work in the office with. The pastor was a ridiculously distracted man. I might have had four conversations with him during my stay at the church. Four months. That's a long time to go without much communication with your pastor. But he was just very busy. He had big plans for the church, and he was on top of them. I moved into a freaking awesome house in Killeen at the end of August. It's freaking sweet. $350 a month for three bedrooms, 300 square feet, two baths, GAS STOVE, two hot water heaters, and a ranch to hang out on. This ranch house is the coolest place I have ever lived. I love it, and my room mate Dan loves it too. Dan is a friend of mine from way back. We did Young Life together back in the day at Harker Heights High School. I don't know if you have noticed that I keep using the past tense. I'm doing that on purpose. I'm writing this Xanga post from my office. I don't have a whole lot to do today, so I'm updating. The reason I have been writing in past tense in regards to my job at the church is because I don't think I will be here for much longer. So by the time people finally read this thing, it will be over nd I will be out of a job. This job was never easy, but I did enjoy it at one point. I've always loved the kids. I have been created to be with kids. That's my purpose for being on this earth. I realize that we are all created to worship the Lord, give HIm glory, and make him smile. That's what we are ALL made for. Kids is how I was made to do that. God was getting my parents ready to make me and said to Himself, "This kid needs to be with kids." So here I am. I'm the director of youth ministries at church I don't want to be at, and I'm too distracted to love my kids the way they need to be loved. As much as I love my kids, and as much as they need me, I don't believe this is where the Lord wants me anymore. I belileve He wanted me here. Just not anymore. He's got me somewhere else that's going to be much better. I feel like I would be abandoning my kids. I'm doing Young Life at Ellison High School, but I have a special connection with my kids here. It's very sad for me and for my kids, but I need to be where God wants me or I'm in the wrong place. No matter how much these kids need me, they will be provided for. I'm freaking out about life right now. I'm scared. I'm worried. I have a freaking stomach ulser for crying out loud. I'm stressed out. My parents are great and my woman is great. They are helping me out tremendously. Encouragement is what I need. Prayer is what I need. I'm not worried about leaving the job. I know that's what I should do. It's a little bit sad, but I know God has something cool waiting somewhere else. What scares the piss out of me and is causing me all of this stress is WHERE AM I GOING TO GET ANOTHER JOB THIS GOOD?! This job paid me well. Sure I'm right at the poverty line for Americans, but it's the best money I've ever gotten. I never thought money would be so important to me. I've been built to be with kids, and I won't stop being with kids. I just want to get paid for it. Is that bad? I've got some Young Life options, but they won't start until January. I just moved into this house and signed a contract, so I can't leave Killeen. I still haven't finished paying for the last living contract I broke. I still ahven't graduated. Who will want me? Will I have to settle for working at Guitar Center? The Lord knows I don't want to do that. I'm done making it seem like I want you to feel sorry for me. I only want to feel bad enoughto pray for me. Life is tough, and I'm not the only one living it. That's the end of my story. It'll probobly be another 10 months until I update you again. I'll see you cats around. | 
